Instruction 11 - Modesty

Source: Jean-François de Reims, Capuchin (d. 1660), The Peaceful Director of Consciences

The virtue of modesty is one of the most effective means of edifying one’s neighbor, especially since it is this virtue that governs our outward appearance, by which others are either edified or scandalized. This is why we must take particular care to observe the rules of this virtue, whether in our gestures, our bearing, our clothing, our words, or our conversation.

Now, in order to understand clearly the faults that may be committed against this virtue, we must know that it requires (1) a certain decency in our outward bearing, which we violate in two ways. First, by becoming loose and excessive in our gestures and bearing, thereby committing the sin of frivolity. Second, by striving too hard to maintain a fine outward appearance, thereby committing the sin of vanity.

Nevertheless, we must distinguish between times, places, and persons. For example, laughter is fitting during recreation, but would be immodest in church. There is no doubt that the outward bearing of a Religious woman must differ from that of a woman living in the world, and what would be proper for the latter would be a lack of mortification in the former. Likewise, the gravity that better suits older people is not appropriate for the young, who should have a more humble modesty. A bearing marked by cheerful gravity is fitting for everyone, since in this way one avoids both excessive severity and excessive frivolity.

(2) Modesty requires that our conversation be properly regulated: we should speak neither too loudly nor too softly, neither too slowly nor too abruptly, and we should not interrupt others when they are speaking. We fail in this regard when we speak too much, and likewise when we are too reserved in speaking.

Nevertheless, we must pay attention to the time, the place, and the persons present. For there are things that would be judged immodest if said at times other than recreation, while other things would be excessively restrained if said during recreation. Similarly, some words would not be in keeping with modesty if spoken in the presence of Superiors or of other persons to whom we owe respect, yet would be well received if spoken in the presence of our equals. The same applies to places.

(3) Modesty requires a certain decency in clothing, which we violate in two ways.

(a) By not conducting oneself honestly according to one’s position in life: thus, a religious person would violate this virtue if they failed to comport themselves in a neat and modest manner, as others do.

(b) By striving too hard to be well dressed, in which one may commit several faults. For some seek luxury in their clothing, not being content with the ordinary garments worn by those of their position, but instead dressing themselves in finer and more precious fabrics. This is ordinarily not without fault, and it is especially blameworthy in Religious persons, who, when they seek luxury in their clothing contrary to the custom of their Religious Order, sin against the vow of poverty to a greater or lesser degree, according to the excess they commit.

Others are excessively concerned with neatness, so that they seem to have scarcely any other concern than ensuring that their clothes are perfectly clean. This reveals a disordered attachment. And although neatness in clothing is praiseworthy, the excessive care devoted to it is nevertheless blameworthy.

Others display a certain vanity in their clothing, wishing to appear very smartly dressed in the eyes of the world. This is blameworthy in anyone, but especially outrageous in Religious persons, who, having made themselves the Brides of Jesus through a solemn vow, nevertheless devote themselves, after such a promise, to pleasing the eyes of worldly people, as though the glory of a Religious person consisted in appearing vain. This is scandalous to laypeople who notice it, for they cannot approve of such foolish vanity.

Unworthy souls, who do not deserve the special grace of the vocation to the Religious life! For, by placing greater value on the vanity of the world, they neglect holy Religious modesty. Moreover, this desire to appear in such a way causes them to distinguish themselves in their manner of dressing, and often leads them to violate the vow of poverty in a notable way.

All these acts of immodesty are ordinarily only venial sins, and are even without sin when they are either purely natural or involuntary. Nevertheless, if one were to commit some notable excess in immodest clothing, or if it were to result in some grave scandal, there could be mortal sin. I leave this to the judgment of the Confessor.

Advice for Confession

A soul that fears God may accuse herself of having been frivolous and excessive in her gestures and bearing. But if she naturally has a light or frivolous manner, and has done what she could to correct what was defective, she need not confess it.

Likewise, she may accuse herself of having been too attached to being well dressed, and all the more so if she has in some way exceeded those of her position. If the excess is notable, she should specify it in Confession, whether it concerns the luxury of her clothing, her manner of dressing too vainly, or exposing herself too much.

Likewise, she may accuse herself of having spoken immodestly and loudly.